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But if I'm here where are you? Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "ragin_rainbow" journal:

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August 13th, 2007
12:31 am


A Cup Of Tea
February 21, 2007
A Cup of Tea:
In this I am alone.
Though not really alone
For your presents is felt in everything that I do,
I miss you more now then I think that I ever have
And maybe ever will,
You had away about you,
The touch of your hand on my face
Was enough it seemed to calm every fear that a child could have
I sought you out for guidance
When everything seemed to be too hard
You voice was like velvet
As you spoke words of inspiration
When the rain would pour down
We would sit under blankets made
By the hands of you and your mother
Drinking hot tea watching TV
You’d tell me stories of my parent’s youth
Of the hardships you endured to get where you were
I’d listen intently to you every word
It was all I needed to feed my hunger
You stood tall though too much pain
Laughed hardly at the insane
As time went on,
And Papa passed away
You drifted away,
Into this place I could not reach you
Try as I may, it changed you and me
Years past I watch you slowly dying
Your once brilliant blue eyes faded to grey
I was asleep in your room
While in the hospital you took your last breaths
And the rain poured down,
I took the old blanket and wrapped it around me
I sat in your chair, with your mug
Filled too full of your Lipton tea
And as everyone around me
Was rushing about doing this and that
I washed down my tears
With you, and a cup of tea 

(Twist your knife)

12:28 am


Finding Peace
**Finding Peace**

Thousands of miles separate me and my heart
The Deep South holding on tight to the things I feel I need

Her words left me up and destroy me every time
For eons I felt breathless,
Spinning in a clouded hope of love and relationship
Her hair was always soft between my fingers
Head heavy on my leg as she would sleep

In the cloak night I would go to her
Driving for hours because she didn't want to be home
Driving to clear our minds
Driving to heaven in a Blue Tracel

Love is a powerful thing,
Ageless story told of death for love
The agony one feels with love
You fight blinding wars in the name of a word
Trying to find peace with a seriated sword

Tears streak your cheeks
Staining bed sheets mixing with blood
From the battle everyday

An on slot of emotions, and "please just don't leave"s
Never knowing what tomorrow will bring

In her absents one night, things be came clear
The truth so dry I could hardly swallow
You can not cage a Phoenix
For she is meant to fly high above this world
Destin for something amazing
Though she doesn't know this truth
I have to let her be
Praying to the Gods she'll one day let me in

I loved her once with an untainted willingness
To lift her up on a throne and do her bidding
I loved her with a sickening feeling of bitter good-byes
In the pit of a hollowing heart
Tried to catch her, make her mind
Make this work no matter the consequences of her kiss
Upon my quivering lips

Alas my efforts failed to bring her to me
At night she would leave without a trace
Of her even existing in my world
Where ever she is I hope she knows
If she looks to the west
There is place where the heart that she stole
Once lived ill content with the state it was in
In the west is a girl that still thinks
She is the world

Current Location: WORK
Current Mood: numbnumb
Current Music: Addicted- Kelly Clarkson

(Twist your knife)

August 10th, 2007
12:39 pm


The Dot Dot Dot (for Angel you know who you are)
There's a millon and on things that I should come clean about. So many secrets that I could stop holding for my own. I should tell you that at night I dream of you but when day hits I curse your name for all that it is worth. I feel a hollowness inside of me but now even when you come back I can't feel as happy as I once did. I know that it is only for a short time and soon you will be gone again. 

My heart lay broken cause I guess I wanted too much from you. And even now I hear your voice when you come around, I melt. I want to make this into my own dream come true I always thought that it was what you wanted too, I was wrong. I want you in my life I do you have to believe that or we would not always "cross paths" like we do. It never takes very long after you are gone and my skin starts to crawl, I feel panicy and confuse and I have to look for you. There you'll be never that hard I'll send you a message and the cycle starts again. I know it's my fault but I like that abuse I guess a glutton for your punishment your long disapearing acts. Still I always let you back in.

(Twist your knife)

August 5th, 2007
04:14 am


Eternal Flame
        He knows that she's leaving him, thats why he fears me. He knows that it's me that she wants, cause I can give her the nice things that she thinks she needs. He will never be that in her eyes. She sees him as nothing more then a "good ole boy" from the farm. Though I am really not far from that myself, being some one from the real South, and not the Organ south which is what they mean when the word is spoken here. She sees me in a powerful manner, I have the nicer things, the flashier car, and he's a mail clerk, driving a 70 style vw van. I think its cute. she says its like the weener mobil, I loughed because I thought it was funny I laughed harder when I realize she didn't see the humar in it. 
       These moments are why when he is working late at the office she's at my house, and we fuck while she gets drunk on apple wine. I pull her in to my world for a short time and she's hooked. One taste is never enough more and more she finds herself on my door step even in the mid of day she would be there for all to see. So shamless she is, thats why I like her so. She blunnders and never really knows it she just keeps running.
He knew it, but his world just couldn't break there's a promotion lined up and he is a shoe in he just knows it. Then he would get her out of this place just like she wanted a new house on Mercer Island, so no, nothing can break right now not till he knows for sure. He needs all he can get to throw at her when it comes down to it. 
        I knew it would happen it always does, one night he gets all liqored up looking to fight. Of course who better to fight then the one who is Fucking up your life single handly. Thats the loud noise of him now banging at my door, shall we let him in so he can play too? Very well.
So here he stands mother fuck this ass hole that. Thats when he starts to look around seeing the rope still tied to the bed posted. He would never play those games with her. Shes a bit naughty there cowboy ya shoulda payed attention. So ok he grabs them and I think that he would have tied me up if I hadn't stoped him. It's never anything more then just mind games, and though its sad you and I both know it's true. "You'll never find her if you do that," I say whemsicaly. He stop and thinks about it , frant he looks around in the bathroom the kitching opening and slamming door all over the house. Breathless he comes back, fire in his eyes, flame in his hand. When he leaves again there will be a match in his hand, His final words will be something manly and heroic, my final words are nothing more then true for I rolled over and whispered in her ear What he didnt do was check the bed after all she was right there hiding in the most obvious place of all. he's done nothing now other then egnite an eternal flame. I kiss her deeply and her hands reach into my pants, as the flames grow higher they surround us our bodies dance with the flames welcoming our hell.

Current Mood: chipperchipper

(Twist your knife)

August 4th, 2007
03:11 am


She came to me in the dead of night,
All flowing locks and emerald eyes.
Her voice was soft, almost tragic.
I felt my heart leap then fall in rhythm of her breath and her beating heart.
A light followed in her wake.
My angel with a dirty face,
Such bless, yet, just a beautiful disaster.
Too many questions and never an answer,
I call her name when I sleep with my lovers.
Her face painted in murals across my every memory.
My very own damnation
A first class ticket to a world from which I will never return.
I fell in love,
 I fell in lust; I fell into her drinking her affection like a fine wine,
Drinking her like she was the last drop of water
In my all but raw throat cried out for mercy
While she danced careless circles on my tongue.
My body shaking with a longing that only she could ever cause
My thoughts race with visions of her on top of me
Our bodies rocking in tune
As if they have always known how to move
And my tongue knows just were to go
I've spent years pining for her, for the hell that is sure to come with her
I lay waiting for her venomous bit,
Such beauty with a black heart
Not room for true love
But even with my last blood gurgling breath
I will blow out that fatal
I love you
The Greatest of Love Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Current Mood: apatheticapathetic

(Twist your knife)

July 29th, 2007
04:44 am


My Greatest Weakness

(Twist your knife)

04:38 am


Moby Dick

At midnight we stood in the mist of our final dance

Your eyes were the reflection of the pale moon

Your skin some how cool in the mid summers heat

I thought to myself "This must mean I'm crazy"

As I lent down to kiss your flawless pink lips


I think it time to walk away,

This image becomes to clear in my mind

The night love became a faithful enemy

A devil dressed in too tight jeans

And baby tank top

Potion lingering after ever kiss

Slowly killing you as you beg for more

Just one last taste to quench your final thrust

Like Abe looking for Moby Dick

I come after you each time with no fear in my eyes


I layer you down on softest clovers

Fireflies danced in your hair

As my hand memorized your every curve

Lost in your eyes lost in you

Your taste your smell

Your voice was one violent act against my ear drums

I fell to your need to be defiled

You wanted me to pretend to rape you

Like your father did,

I needed to give someone a dose of there own medicine

I'd pull your hair

You’d slap me, as I would bite your neck

Your long nail clawed deeply into my back


You see I can always go back to that night

You would think that I was there right now

Just watching as I made one mistake after another

But there she was a dream come true

In a girl 5 foot 6 and a bad attitude

In the heat of the moment, or maybe the heat of her breath

Warm on my hand clasp tight around her mouth

I went too far you see


I put my finger deep inside you just the way you like

Close to fisting because you where too tight

My hand in your hair I start to kiss you

Hard and uncaring

Like you was every time your spoke to me

Before I could think you said to me "I'm gonna come"

My finger drove harder deeper my hand tight

Covering your mouth

I happily lapped at the sweat on your neck

And you came final in my

You be came final in my hand


This is my love

My only joy

I did the one thing you never did

I gave her peace at heart

Of mind and soul

As she rose up she took me with her

For I sit here dying of a broken heart


Current Mood: calmcalm

(Twist your knife)

June 29th, 2007
04:27 am


What where you thinking? You thought that you could just walk in here and take over like all the times before. No this time I will stand strong, I will stand up against you. There is nothing left in me for you. You can't break what you have already distroyed. I once thought that there was no better then you. You where everything that I would have taken to be good and peaceful, but you are a waste land of broken promised and unspoken dreams. Please tell me what it is that you are hoping to get out of this. My mind is blow by the way that you come and go like you own this bar. I am not yours to use, yet I let you wipe your nose on my sleeve anyway so what does that really say about me. I am no better then you in some ways but in the sceam of this world I rate higher on the pole. This has to end I am slowly lossing my mind and you are nothing more then a dream that will never come true, of all the people that I could fall in love with why you? Why the one that will do nothing more then fuck with everything that I thought was pure and good. You take my love and make it dark and hatful because that is what I feel toward you now more often the not, I just hate you and the things that you have don't to me. More so I hate me for do nothing to stop this insainity

(Twist your knife)

June 23rd, 2007
05:38 am


I have been

I have been mesmorized by you, in trancized and captivatied by you. In the late night hours I would go to you simpley looking for something more then this misory. You did little if anything at all to solve my problems. I would watch you pick your victums like a hawk haunting the forest floor for a mouse. There was nothing I would do to save them, I thought that it would only be fair that they know the pain that I have been living with for so long. You will never know what you ment to me, or how hard it is that I am letting to go now. I know that there is nothing more that I am be other then your fall back plan. I need more then that, rather you think so or not. This is where the story ends, I am hoping anyway. It's hard to walk away when for years I have been do all that I could to keep you with me to hold on to something that never was going to be though you filled my head with bull shit lies everyday to keep me from going astray. Well this is it Darlin' I am done, you I have no time for this constante bullshit that you put me through

(Twist your knife)

June 17th, 2007
07:00 am


he he oops
so I did 30 t-shirt transfers at work tonight. Well after doing them ALL I find out that I put the image in the wrong place... fuck, now we are out of shirts and transfers and there is nothing that I can so to fix it now... fuck

Current Mood: amusedamused

(Twist your knife)

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